Internet Friends

So the craze sweeping the nation appears to be friend networks, and getting as many "views" as possible. It's networks such as Facebook, Bebo and MySpace that show how many views your page has had, and how many friends you have. That's all fine and dandy, but some people.... no, wait... every single simple minded idiot using these services seems to want as many "friends" or "views" as possible. Why?! That is not the point of these services. These idiots post loads of messages on the public forum sections claiming to know how to increase your "views", in the hopes that other vain fools will click on them (increasing the other person's views) to find out. Which they don't. I would rather have 20 real friends with 2 views than 500,000,000 views and 30 billion "friends" who you don't know.

So why do they do this? Well, for some it is a competition with their friends. For example the Doofs had such a competition between each other to receive the most views. For others it is a deep-rooted need to feel loved and appreciated yadda yadda yadda. The truth of the matter is, if you care that much about how many "views" or "friends" you have on one of those sites then you really REALLY need to get out more. Go to the pub, a club (or one of those under-age club things if you're under 18) or a lonely-hearts fecking meeting, just stop spamming everyone on these websites with your need to prove something to yourself or your "friends".

Or I will hunt the bastards down and kill them slowly and painfully.

Grr.

Bebo: Cursed or Gifted?

Well, the internet has thrown us some treats in its time, but Bebo seems to be the most popular at the minute. Especially in GWC. So, let's talk about it?

You've got your profile, which you can let people know more about you, such as your "scared of spiders" "happiest when sacrificing chickens" or "Enjoying the futile please of the innocent". But sometimes, I wonder how people can even spell Bebo in the browser. One example I just read (or tried to read) came from (what I'm assuming is) a girl's page. Rather than write it out in full, graphic, descriptive glory, I shall post a link here: http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=14860268 Please note, the very top of the page, the first section where she's telling us about herself. Or, as she tells us "WeL wAt 2 sAe aBwT mY sElF LoLz!" Let's try and decipher this cryptic message:
WeL- obviously referring to a village well project in Africa
wAt 2 sAe- this must be, if you want to help, send a self addressed envelope
aBwT- and Bring white Towels
mY sElF- this must mean, make sure You sustain the Environment with lavender Fragrances.
The LoLz, bit is self explanatory, the girl would like a lolly for her troubles.

I tire of examining her profile in detail, and you will too shortly, but examine the true majesty and Magnificence of the misspelt marvel. Thank you TaZ!

Now, she recently harassed BigStewd for leaving a provocative comment on Nikhil's page, so naturally, she returned the favour, her comment to BigStewd ran thus:"hahahah LMAO EWWW tri hrd i sw wat u wrte on tht nik guys page and if he went 2 wher u live then u definitly wudnt be the 1 smashing him if he was 2 b smashed ! Ur scrawney,ugly ass probli cudnt evn throw a punch at him! haha shame god stp tlking urslf up dik! Fuk face!"

This is StewD->

Firstly, the poor girl can't spell Lama, then she seems to lose track of where her vowels are meant to go in words. Now, in text messages I can understand when you're writing a long message you need abbreviations to get your message across without wasting too much money, but why here?? Apart from spelling and grammatical errors (of which I'm sure you'll agree are numerous), the poor girl doesn't even know what she's saying. She seems to believe that BigStewd is some sort of God. "haha shame god, stop talking yourself up dik" now I hate to tell her that, whilst BigStewd is a lovemachine, he isn't God.

This would be funny if she was one of the minority, but unfortunately not. An increasing number of young people are gaining access to the internet and somehow losing the ability to punctuate/spell/write coherent sentences, with another prime example being my younger female cousins. I ask, why do you have to replace the word "the" with "da" that is Russian for yes my young friends. Lama is spelt so, not Lmao- close, but no cigar. And if you're going to swear? please do so using correct spelling and imaginative turns of phrase, something like "shut up you worm-ridden piece of badger farting filth" I'm sure the use of misspelt expletives is "cool", but really, what is the point? It doesn't get the message across any clearer.

Then there's the Poll (as in opinion, not the type for dancing around or that firemen use) which people always fill with something that pertains to their individual interests. Let's look at TaZ again for inspiration....
"Huz de hottest guy lolz" WHY CAN'T YOU SPELL!?!
"Who's the hottest guy" would suffice, why have you got the Lolz, and why a z?! why not use an S?!

This world is going to pot, and you know why? it's because of little idiots who sit on the computer all day, not learning ANYTHING! And then you wonder why children are becoming more unruly? Because they can avoid learning, the very thing that children from years have been trying to do: Dennis the Menace, Beryl the Peril and Richie Rich, yes, even he did. Why can't there at least be a basic spell-checker to correct posts that are so lacking in vowels that they look like russian. (or klingon, but I don't know if I want it to be that much of a nerd reference?)

Ok, so you've got your profile, your comments and your poll. There's also a blog section which hardly anybody uses. The most common use of the Blog on Bebo is to say "hey, writing in my blog, and dunno wotz 2 wrte so if uze hve Ne ideAs gimme a hollA" or something like that. A Blog is not a means of 2 way communication. Thats what comments/emails are for, but I'll get to them later.

After Blog, comes the Quiz. Good god the quiz. This is 9 times out of 10, a quiz concerning the takers' knowledge of the person writing the quiz. and 9 times out of 10, the takers suck.

So there you have it, the whirling pit of despair that is Bebo.

Though it is useful for keeping in touch because more often than not your friends are not on Messenger at the same time, but bebo allows quick communication. In short, if you aint on Bebo... you don't exist.

Marvelous

See what I did there? No? Well, you will by the end of this post...

Ladies and Gentlemen, can I formally introduce you to "The Marvel Universe". Ok, so this is how it works, Finlay is a D.C. Universe fan, and I am a Marvel Universe fan. Needless to say I am passionate about the Marvel Universe and will defend it against D.C. fans, though I will from time to time read a bit of ol' Supes. As will I watch a bit of smallville on TV.

For those of you who still don't understand, I'm talking about the two biggest comic book companies out there. Marvel began way back in 1939 with a genetically modified super soldier named "Captain America". Whilst the first DC comic came out in 1937. In 1937 DC brought out "Detective Comics", but it was not until 1938 that DC gave "Superman" his first outing. It was in these early days that the futures of both companies was decided. Marvel comics generally focus on characters that have been genetically enhanced/modified through mutation (both intentional and accidental). I say generally, because there are some characters which have not been mutated, some are aliens, and some are just born that way. Whereas D.C. comics prefer to stray from the whole, genetic manipulation side of things, preferring to use superheroes with expansive bank accounts (batman) and aliens from other planets who are surprisingly humanoid (superman). But, as I have said, I am more interested in Marvel, and so shall talk at length about that....

I kid. This is merely an Introduction to the Marvel Universe. I'm writing this on the eve of a great event in the Marvel universe known as "Civil War", but more of that later... For now, a brief introduction to the main characters and groups I will be focusing on throughout my next few entries:

Spiderman:
Ok, Spiderman. Almost everyone has heard of spiderman, he's almost as famous as Superman! Spiderman was once merely Peter Parker, science student. But that was before an accident during a field trip to a science laboratory where a spider crossed through a beam of radiation generated by the experiment and bit him, his life changed forever. Peter Parker gained the abilities of a super-enhanced spider.
Spiderman has shown himself in many different forms; originally as a newspaper cartoon, evolving into his own comic book, several TV series (the latest is digitally animated and weird), movies and several games.
Some argue that Spiderman's allure comes from his alter-ego Peter Parker, and how "human" the teenage character is, and how people can relate to his everyday dilemmas. But when all is said and done, who wouldn't like to be super strong, super sensitive in reflexes, swing from buildings and have a great regenerative power??

The X-Men:

So, hands up who doesn't know the X-Men? For the unenlightened I shall provide a short synopsis: Mankind has started evolving, evolving past Homo Sapiens into Homo Superior. But not all mankind is evolving, many are remaining Homo Sapiens, so there is fear because "normal" people cannot understand these new "mutants". So Charles Xavier (an extremely powerful telepath) befriends Erik Magnus Lehnsherr (known as Magneto for his power to manipulate magnetic fields) and they endeavour to help "mutantkind". Eventually they part ways (not in the lightest of terms) and Charles fights for mankind and mutantkind to coexist happily, whilst Erik fights for mutantkinds superiority over mankind. Don't worry, I will expand on this later, and in particular Wolverine, my favourite X-Man....

The Hulk:
The Hulk (or Incredible Hulk) is one of Marvel's few "anti-heroes" in that, he is a dark character and performs bad deeds, but also good deeds. During an experiment to unleash the full potential of man, Dr. Robert Bruce Banner is affected by a lethal dose of Gamma radiation and transforms from a quiet, mild mannered scientist into a being of pure rage. (Don't see why the Hulk is green, surely if it's anger he should be red...?) But this is only temporary. Dr. Banner returns to his usual self when the Hulk calms down. And somehow everytime Dr. Banner gets angry, his shorts grow whilst the rest of his clothes don't... Strange...

Captain America:

Steven Rogers was an all-round good guy who was treated badly throughout the great depression. This did not damper his views on America or the American dream however. When Rogers was rejected from the army for medical reasons, General Chester Phillips offered him a way in. He had to undergo experimental treatment. Rogers jumped at the chance. It was this experimental treatment that turned Steve Rogers into the well-stacked, slice of American-pie heaven known as "Captain America". He fought the Nazis before the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbour, and he was the perfect defender of freedom and the American way. When the war finished however, ol' Cap lost his purpose. America was not in danger, freedom was safe, and so Captain America retired.... For a while....

The Fantastic Four:

Sue and Johnny Storm, Reed Richards and Ben Grimm, four scientists on a quest to beat the commies into space (originally). Unfortunately when they reached space they found it to be not all they expected and a freak accident mutated them all. Sue Storm became the Invisible Woman, Johnny Storm became The Human Torch (The character was stolen from one of the earliest Marvel Comics), Reed Richards became Mr. Fantastic (how did he end up with the best name?!) and Ben Grimm took on the rocky exterior of The Thing. Together they formed the Fantastic Four. The first group of super-humans to not give a damn about concealing their identity. All they cared about was stopping Dr. Doom and protecting the innocent, freeing the huddled masses, yadda yadda yadda.

There are so many more Marvel characters available to cross-reference and go into detail about (and perhaps I may later). But these are the characters that I am going to go into greatest detail with. Starting in my next entry with Spiderman.
Until then happy people.

Stay Classy

Doc. Brown Enterprises

Time travel.


Let's face it, who doesn't want to do it?

Whether you want to go forward in time to see what the future may hold, or travel back to witness events of the past. There have been innumerous fantasies written about Time Travel, reaching the page, stage, screen or silver-screen according to their commercial potential. But they all hinge themselves on the same idea: Hope. Either hope that somewhere in the future things get better or, a hope that one could change things to get better by alterring the past. However, how this is all achieved varies through the different fantasies.

In "Goodnight Sweetheart" Nicholas Lyndhurst plays the role of Gary Sparrow, the owner of a shop for nostalgia in London. He discovers (can't quite remember how) that the wall behind the shop is actually a portal back in time to the 1940s, where he sets up another life, and he is Gary Sparrow secret agent. Through his time living in the past and the present he learns and tries to change the course of history. The series ends with him trapped in the past, to live out his life.

H.G. Wells' novel the Time Machine has recently (2002) been adapted into a futuristic sci-fi movie. This is where the hero of the tale travels back in time with the hope of preventing the death of his sweetheart. Instead he is catapaulted 800,000 years into the future. Unfortunately I have not read the novel or seen the film (as yet) and so cannot comment on this in great detail.

Anyone else remember Command and Conquer: Red Alert? That strategy game of old for the computer? Well, I loved that game (and its sequels!), and funnily enough the storyline revolves around time travel. Now, in Red Alert, Einstein invents a time machine and in an attempt to prevent the third reich gaining popularity hence preventing World War 2, he assassinates Adolf Hitler as a youth. The death of Hitler results in Stalin rising to power and the free world fighting communism instead of Nazism. This point is one of the reasons I started writing this blog in the first place. The Philosophy of time-travel.

Now, Back to the Future (film and a half!) happens to subscribe to the same thinking in regards to time travel as most other fantasy authors. In Back to the Future Doctor Emmett Brown invents a Time Machine (A Delorian no less), the entire existence of which is due to the invention of the Flux capacitor (also invented by Doctor Brown). Before Doctor Brown can even use the Time Machine however, he is hunted down by the Libyans from whom he stole the Uranium required to power the reactor, and is shot. Marty (a youth who befriended Doctor Brown), then leaps into the Time Machine and in an attempt to outrun the Libyans hits the 88mph required to time travel and is catapaulted back to 1955. In 1955 Marty discovers that the future is easily changed and (long story short) Marty alters his future.

Ok, so the philosophy of Time Travel... There are two popular beliefs. The first, and the one portrayed in movies, is that of (what I like to call) Flux-Time. This is the belief that time can be altered. The Second, (and that which I prescribe to) is that of Static Time or Fate. The Fate philosophy argues that IF one was to travel back in time (or forward), it would be predestined, and everything you did would be pre-ordained. Now, let's check the flaws.

Flaws with Flux-Time:
Ok, so the flaws with this are numerous. Firstly, there's the fact that if the user travelled back in time and altered the future, then they would create a paradox. The paradox would run thus; If the user travelled back in time and killed their parents, their parents could not have children, their child could not invent the time machine, their child could not travel back in time, their child could not kill the parents. Anyone else see the flaw there? The film Back to the Future exhibits these flaws clearly, when Marty almost prevents his parents ever falling in love. At another point (in Back to the Future 2) Biff Tannen (the bad guy) steals the time-machine to travel back in time to give his younger self a sports almanac (which contains sports statistics for the next 50 years and would help him get rich). Then, the film ruins its own laws of physics, by showing the older Biff returning to the same 2015 that Marty and Doc were in, meaning that he couldn't have changed anything. BUT. When Marty and Doc travel back to 1985, they find that it is an alternate 1985. When Marty suggests that they travel forward to stop old Biff stealing the Time Machine, Doc informs Marty that this is impossible because the future would be an alternate future. Major Flaw. If you're going to invent Laws of Physics and Reality for a film, at least adhere to them guys!

Now this is the problem with the whole Flux-Time philosophy; if the present (let's say that the time you came from is the present) is altered, then everything that happens is altered. This would perhaps even affect the Time Machine's creation. If the Time Machine was not created, then it could not travel back in time. If this did not happen then nothing could be changed. Badda-Boom Badda-Bing, Time travel the Flux way is not possible.

So, Static Time:

Static Time would be Time-Travel do to events that are pre-ordained. i.e. nothing you could do would alter anything and if you did alter anything, it would be because you were meant to. The question over this method of time-travel is thus: you will invariably change something through accident or intent. But what if, you were destined to perform that accident, and you fail. you fall on something you were meant to, or instead of killing the person, you miss and kill the person you weren't intending tom but you were destined to. (This is not taking into account the God Vs. Fate argument which is still a raging philosophical debate. Rather I'm assuming that fate has won. but I believe that fate is an all-powerful being following a plan, identical to God.) This actually brings to mind an appalling Jean Claude Van Damme film about Time-travelling tourists... No, wait. Sorry. Just checked that information. I'm thinking of the film "Thrill Seekers", and crossing that with "Timecop" in which Van Damme was a policeman regulating time travel. Unfortunately they're both appalling anyway.

And that's the land-lord calling time.


Appropriate really.


(I appologise for the extreme lack of pictures. I aim to remedy this shortly when Blogger lets me upload pictures)

Rossum's Universal Robots

After a brief mention of Karel Capek's 1920s play "R.U.R (Rossum's Universal Robots)" in Higher I.T. today I found myself reminiscing about good old Sci-Fi films and wondering about the future. Could, one day, we be buying intelligent robots to help clean the house, cook the food and help us better our lives in every possible way?

Rossum's Universal Robots centred on the idea of intelligent machines built to work in a factory on a desert island. The Robots are shown to portray emotions and human character traits and eventually rebel and take control of the factory. This theme of an oppressed minority rising up and taking power seems to be a prevalent theme in almost all Robot Based Science Fiction stories. In I, Robot (The film) Will Smith found himself facing off against hordes of robots which had been oppressed by being forced to adhere to the "3 Robot Commandments", when one of the robots "sunny" was built, the mainframe at the company which produced robots created sunny differently, so that he could disobey the commandments. Will Smith's character unveiled a massive conspiracy by the intelligent mainframe to give robots emotions and ensure that they did not have to obey the commandments. The film culminated in showers of pyro-technics and a dramatic scene at the top of the US Robots and Mechanical Men, Inc. building. The film differs greatly from the original collection of short stories by Isaac Asimov. Asimov's short stories originally focused on humans, machines and the moral implications of their interactions. Asimov questioned their rights, responsibilities and their liabilities. Could we one day be facing a society where man and machine interact, live and work together?

If machines were truly "intelligent", would they be based on human intelligence? If so, would they be designed with character traits? or would their programming allow them to develop character traits? I think that perhaps the latter would be the more likely option, because the human definition of "Intelligence" is:

"Main Entry: in·tel·li·gence
Pronunciation: in-'tel-&-j&n(t)s
Function: noun
1 a : the ability to learn or understand or to deal with new or trying situations
b : the ability to apply knowledge to manipulate one's environment or to think abstractly as measured by objective criteria (as tests)
2 : mental acuteness —in·tel·li·gent /in-'tel-&-j&nt/ adjective —in·tel·li·gent·ly adverb"

And so, one can assume that if an intellifent being can be deemed intelligent it gathers information for itself. How would a robot gather this information? we would need to give it senses, so that information can be input directly to the robot as opposed to a human engineer reprogramming it with the "knowledge". And so a robot (in order to be "intelligent") would have to have eyes, ears, nose and a sense of touch. In advanced models I guess a sense of taste would be included, but let's stick with the budget model.

So, myself not being the best student of the human body and workings thereof I cannot say that all of my ponderings will be entirely accurate. But in order for this intelligent robot to be able to learn it will need a massive amount of storage, like the human brain. Unlike the human brain we will not want the robot's storage to be able to be deleted or fade with age. The robot would need a processor preloaded with some sort of operating system. This processor would help categorise all of the information relayed from the senses into appropriate categories for later reference. The Operating System would be preloaded with innumerable categories and subcategories etc. so that the robot could store things accurately for later reference. This information in the storage would have to be readily accessible as well, so that in a time of need the robot would be able to use it swiftly. Which is why a second processor, running independantly of the first would have to be installed to swiftly access information and send it to the "brain" unit.

The "Brain" unit may be seen as the same as the storage area, but it is very different. The "Brain" unit would be the equivalent of an Algorhythm and Logic unit in your computer's CPU. The "Brain" would be the first receiver of the information from the senses, and it would also receive the information sent by the storage unit and "decide" by cross referencing with previous experiences which would be the best course of action to take in such a situation. This "brain" would probably have dual or triple processors running simultaneously to perform the calculations necessary for the robot to function. Up to now I have merely described a "thinking" and "intelligent" robot. But in true robot fashion, we'd need to have something that moves. And we'd need a power source for this robot. And, if we were the company producing the robot, we would want a deliberate flaw like longevity so that we could encourage as many sales as possible.

So first let's handle movement. Would we have a robot which was bipedular? i.e. another sci-fi manlike robot. Or would all the robobts be different according to their uses? I think that the best way forward would be for a standard model of robot, with specialised models available built to specification. The standard (and I mean bog-standard) model would use wheels, any number over 3 I imagine would be optimum. Otherwise stabilisers would come into play, making the cost rise. The wheeled models would encounter far too many problems in every day life, and would probably require stanna stair lifts to be installed throughout the country. So the uses of wheeled ones? Transport aids? Factory workers. Anything that doesn't involve stairs really.

The more popular model would probably be the humanoid, like C3-P0 here. The humanoid models could be used for as many tasks as humans can do, but would be more fragile. Humanoid bots would not be as commonplace as may be perceived however. In Science Fiction films they are the most popular design because the links between man and machine are more obvious, hence the director can portray the frailties of man more obviously. Star Wars robots would probably be the more likely models of robots running through our streets. A massive mish mash of robots all performing various tasks, all looking as individual as their owners. Humanoid bots would be used for companionship. I highly doubt that they would be used for interpretting like in star wars, due to the availability of hand-held translation devices, and so would be few and far between. But what of power supply? how do the robots run?

On sugar and spice and everything nice? No. What COULD they run on? So hypothetically, you have your robot, he's all set up and ready to go, how do you make him go? Well let's think, He (I'm not implying that the robot's not a girl, I'm just calling it a he because in my head it's C3-PO esque) will need oil to keep his limbs working. Well, that's if he's a 21st Century robot. I think that by the time that this could hypothetically happen, we could have a more exciting lubricant which can be used from renewable sources.

So this fluid of lubrication for joints etc. We will also need something to deliver electric jolts to everything to power them. Now, we can't fit him with a solar panel (advanced as these solar panels may be) he may spend great lengths of time out of the sun (consider the poor Scottish owned robot). So we need an internal power source which could run indefinitely? No, we want a power source which cuts out after X years so that people have to go out and buy the newest model. Don't forget boys and girls, whilst we're talking about the future, we're not talking about a true fantasy where people aren't out for profit. Don't kid yourself, if a form of perpetual energy was invented the consuming public would be the last to know. We need a power source that is internal, something that can last for X amount of time without fault, and something that is cheap. I think that perhaps we would be using some sort of battery, where you can just plug your robot into the wall to keep him going. Failing that there's always nuclear fusion.

But my favourite thought about keeping robots running, is a flight of fantasy about cyborgs. Just hear me through...

The human body works on electric charges pulsing around. The brain is firing constantly, and that crazy guy who jolted that frog's leg with electricity, remember? Well, what if, instead of oil and battery power, we gave this robot blood and a heart. Apparently all that tells the heart to keep pumping is the brain sending signals, hypothetically, the robot's "brain" could send the same signals. But this would require much rethinking about our robot. He would need lungs, and a stomach for intaking energy. Also, you would end up with Frankenstein's Monster. (which by the way is a really good read)

So what have we learned?? What do you need to build a robot?

1: A degree in computing
2: A degree in biochemistry
3: A time machine
4: Money
5: An army of volunteers
6: Tools, lots of tools
7: An Active imagination.
8: Wait 70/80 years and maybe you'll buy one.

Email of Doom

one night these five girls were having a sleepover when they heard choas at the end of her street. they went down to find out what was happening. they learned that a woman was raped and the man was on the loose. so they quickly run home and bolt everything down. everything settles down for a while then they started hearing wierd noises coming from outside. they let their minds go wild so they got scared and hid inside a closet. the man was really outside and found a window that had a broken bolt. he krept in quietly. the girls were scared crapless. he walked into the room and opened the closet, the girls screamed and ran into seperate directions. four of the girls went downstairs and locked the cellar door, that was right above the bathroom. he caught the fifth girl and took her into the bathroom, raped her, and skinned her alive. her friends heard her die that night but couldnt do anything about. they listened to her sratching the door to get out. in the morning when he had fleed, the remaining went into the bathroom. there ingraved into the wall was her message:"how could you have let me die" they looked up to get the tears out of their eyes and saw her flesh dangling from the knife that skinned her. if you dont repost this the man will skin you alive too, because they havent caught him yet. and the girl will make sure you will die, so she can pass on the tale 0 Clicks -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- by sum1 (07/22/2005) Category: facts A girl died in 1933 by a homicidal murderer.He buried her in the ground when she was still alive.The murderer chanted "Toma soto balca" as he buried her.Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated.If you post this, she will not bother you.Your kindness will be rewarded


If you tolerate this your children will be next.

I've Been Looking For Freedom

One morning in june some twenty years ago
I was born a rich man’s son
I had everything that money could buy
But freedom - I had none

I’ve been lookin’ for freedom
I’ve been lookin’ so long
I’ve been lookin’ for freedom
Still the search goes on
I’ve been lookin’ for freedom
Since I left my home town
I’ve been lookin’ for freedom
Still it can’t be found

I headed down the track, my baggage on my back
I left the city far behind
Walkin’ down the road, with my heavy load
Tryin’ to find some peace of mind
Father said you’ll be sorry, son,
If you leave your home this way
And when you realize the freedom money buys
You’ll come running home some day

I paid a lotta dues, had plenty to lose
Travelling across the land
Worked on a farm, got some muscle in my arm
But still I’m not a self-made man
I’ll be on the run for many years to come
I’ll be searching door to door
But, given some time, some day I’m gonna find
The freedom I’ve been searchin’ for


Now, to those of you who don't understand the significance of this piece I should remind you, David Hasselhoff sang this song on New Year's Eve 1989 standing astride the Berlin Wall wearing his Black Leather, diamond studded, jacket. A truly Magical experience. However Mr. Hasselhoff has recently caused controversy in Germany when moaning about not appearing in the museum at Checkpoint Charlie. David (and I personally) believe he should make some sort of appearance in the museum for his part in the Unification of Germany.

As I argued last year in my Higher English talk, David Hasselhoff and Johann Wolfgang von Goethe have a lot in common. Goethe and Hasselhoff both began life aiming to achieve a goal. For Hasselhoff it was to be an internationally renowned singer, and Goethe to practise law like his father. Unfortunately both men were sidetracked by their interests. After Hasselhoff auditioned for The Young And The Restless (The traditionally cheesy daytime soap opera), his acting career rushed forward at an exponential rate, going on to be the lead character in a new , little known, TV show called Knightrider. After the great success of Knightrider (still shown today in 80 countries around the world), Hasselhoff became involved in, and eventually bought the rights to, Baywatch. In everywhere except Germany Hasselhoff has become famous for his parts in Knightrider and Baywatch. Goethe began practicing law, but as a sideline wrote fiction and poems. Goether wrote at the time of the romantic movement in Germany where ideas of Nationalism were strongly on the rise, and so his fiction was received with great praise, because not only did it tell about life, but also the beauty and majesty of Germany. Goethe is only now renowned as an author due to the lack of fame he gained as a lawyer, although he is reputed to have been very good at practising.

And now we come to their most important link: Both Hasselhoff and Goethe played a part in unifying Germany. I'm not saying that they single handedly brought Germany together, because they didn't. But they did play a part.

In the late 18th, early 19th centuries Germany was beginning to form as a single nation as opposed to a scattering of over 28 individual nations. The reasons for this unification were numerous (and the subject of Higher History) but the growing feeling of Nationalism was a strong factor, and Goethe was one of the originators of the Romantic movement in Germany and by researching folk traditions, he created many of the norms for celebrating Christmas, and argued that the organic nature of the land moulded the people and their customs - an argument that has recurred ever since, including recently in the work of Jared Diamond. He argued that laws could not be created by pure rationalism, since geography and history shaped habits and patterns. This stood in sharp contrast to the prevailing Enlightenment view, that reason was sufficient to create well-ordered societies and good laws. This made his work all the more popular amongst idealistic students who subscribed readily to his ideals and as such Goethe was one of the most popular folk figures during German unification, for his patriotic views of the German nations. Indeed Goethe's work "Mignon's Song", which opens with what has been called the most famous line in German poetry, "Kennst du das Land, wo die Zitronen blühn?" ("Do you know the land where the lemons bloom?"), links the German fate to that of Italy clearly showing a link between the two nations (Italy unified as one nation many years before Goethe wrote this poem). And the poem sparked even fiercer notions in the imaginations of students that a unified German state was not only possible, but within grasp. It was not until much later though that Germany became united. Many years after Goethe's death.

After the Second World War in 1945 the Cold War crept in like a Grenkin, by 1950 Russia built a wall through Berlin dividing the East and West of Germany. For 38 years Germany was divided with one half living the communist way, whislt the other half believed in free enterprise and capitalism. 3 months prior to the fall of the Berlin Wall David Hasselhoff released his debut Album "looking for freedom" the title track of which was (described above) number 1 in Germany for 8 weeks. As can be seen from looking at the lyrics, the German people could identify with Mr. Hasselhoff. For they too were looking for freedom, looking for freedom from the wall, and to become a whole nation again. And it was recognised that on New Year's Eve 1989 David Hasselhoff sang astride the wall, with a chorus of 7,000 singers joining in. It was one impromptu reveller who decided to take a pick-axe to the wall, which started the demolition that very night, he was joined by a friend, who was joined by more until eventually their was such a gap in the wall that people from both sides flooded to greet each other.

If it had not been for the inspiration of David Hasselhoff, this lone reveller would not have been so bold as to take a pick-axe to this wall of strength. Instead the wall was due to be removed some 3 months later. Perhaps the re-unification of Germany would have been much different without Hasselhoff's hand.

No matter what, I think we can all say thank you to the burly hunk of man in the Black Leather, diamond studded jacket in tight tight blue jeans.

Thank You David!